90.9 WBUR - Boston's NPR news station
Top Stories:
PLEDGE NOW
Here and Now with Robin Young
Public radio's live
midday news program
With sponsorship from
Mathworks - Accelerating the pace of engineering and science
Accelerating the pace
of engineering and science
Friday, January 4, 2013

Author: Newtown Answers May Never Come

Portraits of slain students and teachers hang from a tree at a memorial in Newtown, Conn., Dec. 25, 2012. (Craig Ruttle/AP)

Portraits of slain students and teachers hang from a tree at a memorial in Newtown, Conn., Dec. 25, 2012. (Craig Ruttle/AP)

It’s three weeks to the day since the 911 calls first started coming in that a shooter had forced his way into Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Conn., and opened fire. Last month, Adam Lanza killed 26 people — students and teachers.

Former Arizona U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords is visiting families in Newtown on Friday. Giffords is still recovering from being shot two years ago by Jared Loughner who killed six people in a shooting rampage.

A lingering question over these mass shootings is: Why? Were there any warning signs, and if they had been spotted, could they have been prevented?

That’s one of the questions author Andrew Solomon researched in his insightful book, “Far From The Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity.

Solomon spent hundreds of hours over eight years interviewing the parents of another mass shooter, Dylan Klebold. Klebold and his friend, Eric Harris, killed 13 people before committing suicide at Columbine High School in Colorado on April 20, 1999.

Solomon says that despite all of his research, the reason for these violent crimes is ultimately, and frustratingly, “unknowable.”

Book Excerpt: ‘Far From The Tree’

by Andrew Solomon

Chapter One: Son

There is no such thing as reproduction. When two people decide to have a baby, they engage in an act of production, and the widespread use of the word reproduction for this activity, with its implication that two people are but braiding themselves together, is at best a euphemism to comfort prospective parents before they get in over their heads. In the subconscious fantasies that make conception look so alluring, it is often ourselves that we would like to see live forever, not someone with a personality of his own. Having anticipated the onward march of our selfish genes, many of us are unprepared for children who present unfamiliar needs. Parenthood abruptly catapults us into a permanent relationship with a stranger, and the more alien the stranger, the stronger the whiff of negativity. We depend on the guarantee in our children’s faces that we will not die. Children whose defining quality annihilates that fantasy of immortality are a particular insult; we must love them for themselves, and not for the best of ourselves in them, and that is a great deal harder to do. Loving our own children is an exercise for the imagination.

"Far From The Tree." (Photo Courtesy)

“Far From The Tree.” (Photo Courtesy)

Yet blood, in modern as in ancient societies, is thicker than water. Little is more gratifying than successful and devoted children, and few situations are worse than filial failure or rejection. Our children are not us: they carry throwback genes and recessive traits and are subject right from the start to environmental stimuli beyond our control. And yet we are our children; the reality of being a parent never leaves those who have braved the metamorphosis. The psychoanalyst D. W. Winnicott once said, ―There is no such thing as a baby—meaning that if you set out to describe a baby, you will find you are describing a baby and someone. A baby cannot exist alone but is essentially part of a relationship.‖ Insofar as our children resemble us, they are our most precious admirers, and insofar as they differ, they can be our most vehement detractors. From the beginning, we tempt them into imitation of us and long for what may be life’s most profound compliment: their choosing to live according to our own system of values. Though many of us take pride in how different we are from our parents, we are endlessly sad at how different our children are from us.

Because of the transmission of identity from one generation to the next, most children share at least some traits with their parents. These are vertical identities. Attributes and values are passed down from parent to child across the generations not only through strands of DNA, but also through shared cultural norms. Ethnicity, for example, is a vertical identity. Children of color are in general born to parents of color; the genetic fact of skin pigmentation is transmitted across generations along with a self-image as a person of color, even though that self-image may be subject to generational flux. Language is usually vertical, since most people who speak Greek raise their children to speak Greek, too, even if they inflect it differently or speak another language much of the time. Religion is moderately vertical: Catholic parents will tend to bring up Catholic children, though the children may turn irreligious or convert to another faith. Nationality is vertical, except for immigrants. Blondness and myopia are often transmitted from parent to child, but in most cases do not form a significant basis for identity—blondness because it is fairly insignificant, and myopia because it is easily corrected.

Often, however, someone has an inherent or acquired trait that is foreign to his or her parents and must therefore acquire identity from a peer group. This is a horizontal identity. Such horizontal identities may reflect recessive genes, random mutations, prenatal influences, or values and preferences that a child does not share with his progenitors. Being gay is a horizontal identity; most gay kids are born to straight parents, and while their sexuality is not determined by their peers, they learn gay identity by observing and participating in a subculture outside the family. Physical disability tends to be horizontal, as does genius. Psychopathy, too, is often horizontal; most criminals are not raised by mobsters and must invent their own treachery. So are conditions such as autism and intellectual disability. A child conceived in rape is born into emotional challenges that his own mother cannot know, even though they spring from her trauma.

Andrew Solomon (Photo by Annie Leibovitz)

Andrew Solomon (Photo by Annie Leibovitz)

In 1993, I was assigned to investigate Deaf culture for the New York Times. My assumption about deafness was that it was a deficit and nothing more. Over the months that followed, I found myself drawn into the Deaf world. Most deaf children are born to hearing parents, and those parents frequently prioritize functioning in the hearing world, expending enormous energy on oral speech and lipreading. Doing so, they can neglect other areas of their children’s education. While some deaf people are good at lipreading and produce comprehensible speech, many do not have that skill, and years go by as they sit endlessly with audiologists and speech pathologists instead of learning history and mathematics and philosophy. Many stumble upon Deaf identity in adolescence, and it comes as a great liberation. They move into a world that validates Sign as a language and discover themselves. Some hearing parents accept this powerful new development; others struggle against it.

The whole situation felt arrestingly familiar to me because I am gay. Gay people usually grow up under the purview of straight parents who feel that their children would be better off straight and sometimes torment them by pressing them to conform. Those gay people often discover gay identity in adolescence or afterward, finding great relief there. When I started writing about the deaf, the cochlear implant, which can provide some facsimile of hearing, was a recent innovation. It had been hailed by its progenitors as a miraculous cure for a terrible defect and was deplored by the Deaf community as a genocidal attack on a vibrant community. Both sides have since moderated their rhetoric, but the issue is complicated by the fact that cochlear implants are most effective when they are surgically implanted early—in infants, ideally—so the decision is often made by parents before the child can possibly have or express an informed opinion. Watching the debate, I knew that my own parents would gamely have consented to a parallel early procedure to ensure that I would be straight, had one existed. I do not doubt that the advent of such a thing even now could wipe out most of gay culture. I am saddened by the idea of such a threat, and yet as my understanding of Deaf culture deepened, I realized that the attitudes I had found benighted in my parents resembled my own likely response to producing a deaf child. My first impulse would have been to do whatever I could to fix the abnormality.

Then a friend had a daughter who was a dwarf. She wondered whether she should bring up her daughter to consider herself just like everyone else, only shorter; whether she should make sure her daughter had dwarf role models; or whether she should investigate surgical limb-lengthening. As she narrated her bafflement, I saw a familiar pattern. I had been startled to note my common ground with the Deaf, and now I was identifying with a dwarf; I wondered who else was out there waiting to join our gladsome throng. I thought that if gayness, an identity, could grow out of homosexuality, an illness, and Deafness, an identity, could grow out of deafness, an illness, and if dwarfism as an identity could emerge from an apparent disability, then there must be many other categories in this awkward interstitial territory. It was a radicalizing insight. Having always imagined myself in a fairly slim minority, I suddenly saw that I was in a vast
company. Difference unites us. While each of these experiences can isolate those who are affected, together they compose an aggregate of millions whose struggles connect them profoundly. The exceptional is ubiquitous; to be entirely typical is the rare and lonely state.

As my parents had misapprehended who I was, so other parents must be constantly misapprehending their own children. Many parents experience their child’s horizontal identity as an affront. A child’s marked difference from the rest of the family demands knowledge, competence, and actions that a typical mother and father are unqualified to supply, at least initially. The child is expressly different from most of his or her peers as well, and therefore broadly less understood or accepted. Abusive fathers visit less abuse on children who resemble them physically; if you are born to a bully, pray that you bear his features. Whereas families tend to reinforce vertical identities from earliest childhood, many will oppose horizontal ones. Vertical identities are usually respected as identities; horizontal ones are often treated as flaws.

One could argue that black people face many disadvantages in the United States today, but there is little research into how gene expression could be altered to make the next generation of children born to black parents come out with straight, flaxen hair and creamy complexions. In modern America, it is sometimes hard to be Asian or Jewish or female, yet no one suggests that Asians, Jews, or women would be foolish not to become white Christian men if they could. Many vertical identities make people uncomfortable, and yet we do not attempt to homogenize them. The disadvantages of being gay are arguably no greater than those of such vertical identities, but most parents have long sought to turn their gay children straight. Anomalous bodies are usually more frightening to people who witness them than to people who have them, yet parents rush to normalize physical exceptionalism, often at great psychic cost to themselves and their children. Labeling a child’s mind as diseased—whether with autism, intellectual disabilities, or transgenderism—may reflect the discomfort that mind gives parents more than any discomfort it causes their child. Much gets corrected that might better have been left alone.

Defective is an adjective that has long been deemed too freighted for liberal discourse, but the medical terms that have supplanted it—illness, syndrome, condition—can be almost equally pejorative in their discreet way. We often use illness to disparage a way of being, and identity to validate that same way of being. This is a false dichotomy. In physics, the Copenhagen interpretation defines energy/matter as behaving sometimes like a wave and sometimes like a particle, which suggests that it is both, and posits that it is our human limitation to be unable to see both at the same time. The Nobel Prize–winning physicist Paul Dirac identified how light appears to be a particle if we ask a particle-like question, and a wave if we ask a wavelike question. A similar duality obtains in this matter of self. Many conditions are both illness and identity, but we can see one only when we obscure the other. Identity politics refutes the idea of illness, while medicine shortchanges identity. Both are diminished by this narrowness.

Physicists gain certain insights from understanding energy as a wave, and other insights from understanding it as a particle, and use quantum mechanics to reconcile the information they have gleaned. Similarly, we have to examine illness and identity, understand that observation will usually happen in one domain or the other, and come up with a syncretic mechanics. We need a vocabulary in which the two concepts are not opposites, but compatible aspects of a condition. The problem is to change how we assess the value of individuals and of lives, to reach for a more ecumenical take on healthy. Ludwig Wittgenstein said, ―All I know is what I have words for.‖ The absence of words is the absence of intimacy; these experiences are starved for language.

The children I describe here have horizontal conditions that are alien to their parents. They are deaf or dwarfs; they have Down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, or multiple severe disabilities; they are prodigies; they are people conceived in rape or who commit crimes; they are transgender. The timeworn adage says that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, meaning that a child resembles his or her parents; these children are apples that have fallen elsewhere—some a couple of orchards away, some on the other side of the world. Yet myriad families learn to tolerate, accept, and finally celebrate children who are not what they originally had in mind. This transformative process is often eased and sometimes confounded by identity politics and medical progress—both of which have infiltrated households to a degree that would have been inconceivable even twenty years ago.

All offspring are startling to their parents; these most dramatic situations are merely variations on a common theme. Much as we learn the properties of a medication by studying its effect at extremely high doses, or look at the viability of a construction material by exposing it to unearthly supertemperatures, so we can understand the universal phenomenon of difference within families by looking at these extreme cases. Having exceptional children exaggerates parental tendencies; those who would be bad parents become awful parents, but those who would be good parents often become extraordinary. I take the anti-Tolstoyan view that the unhappy families who reject their variant children have much in common, while the happy ones who strive to accept them are happy in a multitude of ways.

Because prospective parents have ever-increasing options to choose against having children with horizontal challenges, the experiences of those who have such children are critical to our larger understanding of difference. Parents’ early responses to and interactions with a child determine how that child comes to view himself. These parents are also profoundly changed by their experiences. If you have a child with a disability, you are forever the parent of a disabled child; it is one of the primary facts about you, fundamental to the way other people perceive and decipher you. Such parents tend to view aberrance as illness until habituation and love enable them to cope with their odd new reality—often by introducing the language of identity. Intimacy with difference fosters its accommodation.

Broadcasting these parents’ learned happiness is vital to sustaining identities that are now vulnerable to eradication. Their stories point a way for all of us to expand our definitions of the human family. It’s important to know how autistic people feel about autism, or dwarfs about dwarfism. Self-acceptance is part of the ideal, but without familial and societal acceptance, it cannot ameliorate the relentless injustices to which many horizontal identity groups are subject and will not bring about adequate reform. We live in xenophobic times, when legislation with majority support abrogates the rights of women, LGBT people, illegal immigrants, and the poor. Despite this crisis in empathy, compassion thrives at home, and most of the parents I have profiled love across the divide. Understanding how they came to think well of their own children may give the rest of us motive and insight to do the same. To look deep into your child’s eyes and see in him both yourself and something utterly strange, and then to develop a zealous attachment to every aspect of him, is to achieve parenthood’s self-regarding, yet unselfish, abandon. It is astonishing how often such mutuality has been realized—how frequently parents who had supposed that they couldn’t care for an exceptional child discover that they can. The parental predisposition to love prevails in the most harrowing of circumstances. There is more imagination in the world than one might think.

Excerpted from FAR FROM THE TREE: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity. Copyright © 2012 by Andrew Solomon. Excerpted with permission by Scribner, a Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

Guest:


Please follow our community rules when engaging in comment discussion on this site.
  • svolante

    I just came home and turned on WBUR halfway through this excellent interview. I heard Mr. Solomon say that in the days before the Columbine massacre, one of the killers gave no indication of what he was capable of. After the interview, the host noted that there will be a gun show near Newtown, CT this weekend and that sellers will “use common sense” to prevent the mentally ill from buying guns. That is not reassuring. It isn’t hard to imagine someone who wants a gun to kill but is able to conceal his motives and go about a transaction calmly. That so many guns change hands without any serious attempt whatsoever to keep them away from dangerous people is profoundly disturbing.

  • Ranniel

    I don’t believe Andrew has done his homework on the Columbine shooters and he gives the parents way too much slack.  The Columbine teens were blowing up Molotov cocktails behind their houses, stockpiling weapons in their bedrooms, putting disturbing videos on the internet, and they’d been arrested for criminal behavior in the years leading up to the shootings. Everyone else who knew these kids knew they were anti-social and their parents knew it too, yet they chose to stick their heads in the sand after being warned by school officials and the police. Look at the Connecticut shooting and you see a similar situation in which tragedy could have been avoided by the parent. She knew her son had issues, and yet what does she do – she teaches him how to shoot an assault rifle and then leaves him with access to weapons and a stockpile of ammo. Let’s just call it like was, the parents, as nice as they may be, were absent and neglectful in their responsibilities.
     

    • Socialcogn

      Ranniel, the report states that over an 8 year period he spent hundreds of hours with the parents of the Columbine shooters  – how can you argue Andrew “hasn’t done his homework”?  The parents state that they continued to live in Columbine after the crime because of the people there who had loved their children, but you say “Everyone else who knew these kids knew they were anti-social and their parents knew it too”.   Did you even listen to the recording?  
      Unfortunately, where I fear Andrew is wrong is when he says that “we’ve sort of dropped that blaming the parents routine” aside from cases of criminality.  In my experience, many people (people like you Ranniel!) seem quite eager to blame parents for the temperaments and all sorts of behaviors of their children and requite very little evidence beforehand that the parent is in fact blameworthy.

    • Antoine

      Your Columbine shooters like so many of the other shooters were medicated for sometime on phychotropics. What about that fact Ranniel?
      You don’t think these medications affect their actions?
      You have become a willing dupe of what the mainstream media is feeding you.
      Lots of lies, misinfo, disinfo and confusions.
      Your media is just as guilty.   

  • Raoul Ornelas

    I don’t buy it. Nor am I going to purchase a post masscare book or tragedy that never explains anything except to promote sales of a book. My take on this latest massacre: Divorce is the problem and the missing father, followed by leaving a child home alone for brief periods of time without the presence of the father or anyone else at home; loneliness for a young adult is the monster in the dark room of psych.
    Most of the time there is an vindictive post divorce process where a mother creates problems for the father to see or not see his children or to never see his children, in this case, the son. It is absolutely devastating for a son; he or she has no control over a vindictive process that may cause a child or young adult to strike out in anyway or form to perform mass damage to resolve problems he or she cannot resolve and have no control over.  Mr. Landas did not shoot his mother for some unknown reason. Losing ones father is like losing ones best friend who is also one’s mentor.  What I do agree with the interviewee is what people of the gun culture always skate around and that is the easy access to a gun or an assault weapon to resolve an issues of smoldering past or for a knee jerk reaction whether one is sane or not. Really, knee jerk of  the moment. reactions are moments of insanity. At the end of the day it’s a gun problem period.

    • Theodore Hoppe

      Andrew Solomon has an interest resume (look him up), and it is not to be dismissed so quickly as to say that he is simply trying to sell books.  But I do believe you are onto something by noting that the dynamic of relationship, between a child and parents or others, such as teachers, case workers, etc,   could be a strong contributing factor to self image.  Solomon did not offer a lot on this aspect.  Perhaps his book examines it more.        

    • Richard Geiger Guest

      I agree with everthing but your last sentence.  Landas could have broken into the school using a tire iron and killed as many if not more with a machete.  We need to look at the underlying causes.  I worked with chronically mentally ill people for almost  ten years.  Nothing l saw nor experienced in that time dissuaded me from the belief that the mentally ill are motivated to act according to their own mental reasoning.  Landas was angry for a reason.  The reason was probably some incident(s) which may have occurred when he was a first grader and which involved his mother.  While a sane person would have forgotten about the incident(s) a long time ago, an insane person might remember and and the more they remember the more the rage can build up.  We need to focus on preventing incideents that can cause that rage to begin with.

  • S. Wheeler

    absolutely makes sense.  i want to jump to conclusions when i hear of children participating in mass killings that have become a terrible norm over the lst couple decades – i want to immediately put some of the blame of the parents.  how could they have raised such a monster, but with the situations explained in this manner, i am able to understand that the apple indeed sometimes is far from the original parent tree.
    s. wheeler

  • wendystevens

    I find the manager of the gun show to be arrogant and ignorant regarding the ability of his staff to identify people with mental disorders.  Professional psychologists and psychiatrists go to school for years to learn the sign and symptoms of mental illness. They take hours and sometimes weeks or months to make a diagnosis.  A guy who sells guns has most likely had no training in this area, is standing behind a counter, probably talking to 6 or 8 customers and could have no way of determining then mental health of a customer, unless that person jumps on the counter and starts ranting.

  • frequentlistener

    I’d like a transcipt of this show. Is that possible? Please advise.

    • ksundt

      My apologies, but there isn’t a transcript available for this show. But thank you for listening!

      -Kassandra, H&N Web Producer

  • Theodore Hoppe

    I take issue with Solomon’s notions of schizophrenia.  He describes the current state of brain imaging as looking at the Earth from the moon.  But what are we looking for?
    There is a current theory and experimental evidence that shows that parasites in the brain can cause behavioral changes.  Yes, parasites. 

    http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/03/how-your-cat-is-making-you-crazy/308873/1/

    Additionally, Dr. Roulette William Smith, a researcher in the field has commented: 
    “My theoretical research and experimental evidence suggest that stress-activated Epstein-Barr virus [EBV] and selected adenoviruses are the contributing causes of schizophrenia, autism spectrum disorders [ASD], selected other neuropsychiatric disorders, many (if not most) autoimmune disorders, many cancers, selected congenital conditions, and more than a hundred other syndromes/disorders. A putative mechanism of action is that these viruses release transmissible and infectious small RNA secondary particlesthat effectively interfere with molecular translation and/or transcription, thereby producing epigenetic byproducts (dubbed GERRS). Those a priori GERRS and their downstream a posteriori consequences account for associations with T. gondii, mumps, rubella and “other infectious agents.”

  • http://www.bullyalertbully.blogspot.com/ Richard Geiger

    While I agree that guns need to be better controlled and that the mentally ill are undertreated, addressing these problems will not improve the underlying issue.  Most people don’t seem to care that much about the root cause of these seemingly senseless killlings which is the desire to bully others.  Before discounting this opinion, check out Webster’s definition of bullying.  It does not exclude the use of weapons nor limit the term bully to the mentally healthy.   The best way to produce bullies is to bully.  The Columbine boys were bullied.  The claim that Adam Lanza was not bullied in school comes from someone who does not understand bullying or who is lying through his teeth.  The unfortunate fact is that our society accepts/approves of many forms of bullying.  Until that social attitiude changes, these types of tragedies are inevitable.   For a comprehensive discussion of bullying check out the blog “Bullying-Do we really want it to stop?” at http://www.bullyalertbully.blogspot.com which can be also accessed through http://www.google.com/bloggersearch.

  • Waterlady21

    We are all looking to shift the blame away from ourselves for atrocities committed by others. Because of the amount of time and the intimate nature of the relationship between parents and children, parents obviously have a huge potential to influence for good or bad, and most likely accomplish a combination of both.  

    But the actions of every individual DO count, and add to each person’s perception of the world.  People learn how the world works by interacting with others, and every individual involved in the interaction takes away a lesson: The toddler who pushes a child off a playground slide, and her parent who fails to use that moment to teach both the pusher & the pushee how to share the slide.  The teen who trips the geek walking down the school hall, and the bystanders who either giggle or are suddenly silent.  The driver who cuts to the front of the 20 minute long exit line at the parking garage.  The gun owner who disingenuously uses the Constitution to justify a selfish DESIRE to own arms as a right and a need.  The taxpayer  or employer who saves money by not providing adequate mental health care.

    Every individual is responsible for their own actions.  We are all to blame to some degree.

  • Ted Z

    A lot of answers won’t be resolved after the Newton shooting.
    The reports initially of a 2nd shooter being apprehended in the woods adjacent to the school have been covered up.
    Also early in the reporting, a CNN reporter could not find any history on the shooter, Adam Lanza in the past 3 years. His simply didn’t exist. Where was Mr. Lanza?
    Has Adam Lanza Even Been Alive The Last 3 Years?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ap7UiLV6lEg

    In an institution being prepped to be the “patsy” in this shooting.
    Look at the aftermath. Politicians falling over each other to introduce new gun control laws.
    The lies with the Sandy Hook shooting will continue as with all the other shootings with so called “lone gunmen”. 

  • Katta.

    Another false flag operation to get the public jolted along to enact more gun laws.The Globalists want your guns.  They will resort to any means.

    Now they are desperate as they are targeting the more vulnerable in society. Children and women.   This method has been used in war time to stir and anger the masses for action.

    If Sandy Hook doesn’t get the laws the ruling elite want, then expect more mass shooting by these loners.   

    The media magic and manipulation  will continue with these incidents.

    M=m3  MANIPULATION = MONEY x MEDIA x MANPOWER

Robin and Jeremy

Robin Young and Jeremy Hobson host Here & Now, a live two-hour production of NPR and WBUR Boston.

August 29 Comment

World Championship Tug-Of-War Is ‘A Thing Of Beauty’

This weekend's competition in Wisconsin is a bit more intense than it was in your grade school gym class.

August 29 Comment

Repelling Mosquitoes With A Natural Sticky Patch

The Kite Patch releases odors that block the bug's carbon dioxide receptors, sending them in another direction.

August 28 Comment

Catching Up With The Polyphonic Spree

The choral rock band out of Dallas, Texas, has been thrilling audiences with its live performances for over a decade.

August 28 5 Comments

‘Enormous’ Growth Of Ocean Garbage Patch

The oceanographer who discovered the floating island of trash in 1997 says he's shocked by how much it's grown.