Tuesday, July 19, 2011

How A Parent’s Compulsive Hoarding Impacts Children

A painting titled "DiningRoomBlur" by artist Holly Sabiston, whose mothers' compulsive hoarding inspired her art. (Holly Fisher Sabiston)

A painting titled "DiningRoomBlur" by artist Holly Sabiston, whose mothers' compulsive hoarding was the subject of her art. (Courtesy of Holly Fisher Sabiston)

The phenomenon of hoarding is well known thanks to television programs like A&E’s “Hoarders” and Discovery Channel’s “Hoarding: Buried Alive.”

The mental illness is thought to be related to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and makes it difficult for a person to determine what’s valuable and what isn’t.

Hoarding affects entire families, forcing children of hoarders to keep secrets about a parent’s debilitating compulsion.  Many children also fear becoming hoarders themselves.

“It was definitely a secret. There were only a few friends who got to see the inside of the house.”
–Holly Sabiston, child of a hoarder

Holly Sabiston grew up with a mother who compulsively shopped and hoarded so much that the family had to take out three mortgages on their Kansas City home.

Sabiston told Here & Now‘s Monica Brady-Myerov that her mother was terrified of others learning about her illness, and so she prohibited Sabiston from having friends over for sleepovers.

“It was definitely a secret,” she said, “There were only a few friends who got to see the inside of the house.”

Sabiston is now an artist, and depicts the piles of junk that are a result of compulsive hoarding in her paintings.

Randy Frost, Ph D., professor of psychology at Smith College explains in a video that the best approach for dealing with someone who compulsively hoards is to sit down and talk with them about it. He cautions family members from trying to throw get rid of possessions in an attempt to help.

“The worst thing you can do is to go in and throw things away while they’re not around…in the long run these attempts are usually failures,” he said.

Frost says the key is to get the hoarder to recognize and understand that there is a problem, and to attend a hoarding treatment program.

Guest:

We welcome comments from all of our listeners. Post below. Please stay on topic and be civil. Comments may be moderated by us, but you are solely responsible for the content of your comments.

  • 2harness_entropy

    I’d like to know if there is evidence of a genetic component to this behavior. Can anyone provide more sources of information? Thank you!

  • Elynn

    Read the book by Ethan Watters: Crazy Like Us: The Globalization of the America Psyche” for a richer explanation of the cultural influence on pathos. Dispite the global recession and financial crisis we still live in an exceptionally affluent culture where we can effectively, afford to express a mental disorder through an OCD like hoarding. In another time, another culture, the same imbalance would be expressed differently.
    “Of course, we can become psychologically unhinged for many reasons that are common to all, like personal traumas, social upheavals or biochemical imbalances in our brains. Modern science has begun to reveal these causes. Whatever the trigger, however, the ill individual and those around him invariably rely on cultural beliefs and stories to understand what is happening. Those stories, whether they tell of spirit possession, semen loss or serotonin depletion, predict and shape the course of the illness in dramatic and often counterintuitive ways. In the end, what cross-cultural psychiatrists and anthropologists have to tell us is that all mental illnesses, including depression, P.T.S.D. and even schizophrenia, can be every bit as influenced by cultural beliefs and expectations today as hysterical-leg paralysis or the vapors or zar or any other mental illness ever experienced in the history of human madness. This does not mean that these illnesses and the pain associated with them are not real, or that sufferers deliberately shape their symptoms to fit a certain cultural niche. It means that a mental illness is an illness of the mind and cannot be understood without understanding the ideas, habits and predispositions — the idiosyncratic cultural trappings — of the mind that is its host. “

  • http://www.losingtheshadow.com Jen

    Finally. My mother was a hoarder and growing up was similar to this story. No one came over. It was a secret.

  • Clarespencer

    I usually love Here and Now because of the compassionate, non judgement
    tone that the show takes with regard to difficult issues. However, I
    found the interviewer’s mocking and derisive tone during the interview
    with the daughter of a hoarder to be deeply offensive and
    inappropriate.  The interview acted as though living with a hoarder was a
    big joke or a silly or absurd inconvenience, rather than the traumatic,
    heartbreaking situation that it really is.  It felt as though she were
    laughing at the suffering of those of us whose lives have been
    devastated by hoarding. (yes, I spent 10 years in love with a hoarder,
    and it tore our relationship apart)

    • elGeo

      I went back and listened carefully to the interview and could detect nothing mocking or derisive.  The interviewer sounded as if she was reading from a list of questions, as opposed to having a conversation, but that’s the only criticism of tone that seems valid.  She gave space for Ms. Sabiston to reply fully to the questions without any particular implied reaction.

  • Emily Vaill Pfaff

    Thank you Holly for telling your story.  Ours was similar, though compulsive shopping wasn’t our mom’s problem; it was simply not doing anything about anything and things piled up and were “shuttled”.  The end result was toxic mold (didn’t address water damage and delayed replacing a broken HVAAC–in the summer jungle temps of the DC area, mold grew), and vermin, and ultimately the house was bulldozed by the new owner.  You made me feel more comfortable in my bewilderment of some things.   When such an important teacher in a child’s life is impaired in any way, chaos results.  Blessings to you. 

  • Kimberlymckenna

    I am the sister who yelled at the mother and I regret it.  If  you have hoarder in your life, anger will not help them or you.  Children have a very rough time with this because they are rightly upset.  I don’t think we needed to be removed from our house, but if the situation had improved it would have been a lot better for everyone.   I do not know what to say for children living with this now.  I wish I could save them from this experience, or offer support for thier fear and frustration.   I try hard with my own son.   Holly has done a great job trying to understand the problem, sharing her information and also getting  our mom some help, something I was too emotional to do.  She is very brave and strong in this area and I am so grateful to her, because we love our mom and want her to get control over this part of her life.

  • disappointed

    It was a mechanical interview and was treated superficially. Most importantly, I fully expected and HOPED it would be followed up by a discussion with “experts” in this area who would give helpful advice.  As the exwife of an individual with this disorder I can tell you that the denial runs incredibly deep, and getting him to counseling was like getting a horse to go back into a burning barn. It remains an area of constant struggle for myself and my children who travel between two households–one of which should be gutted. What I wanted to hear was: HOW can you TALK to someone with this type of anxiety disorder without hitting (what I call) the “ANGRY WALL.” This is what should have followed the interview. Johns Hopkins link below was somewhat helpful, but not great….

    • http://www.hoarderschild.blogspot.com/ Elizabeth Sutton

      If you are looking for more specific resources about hoarding, try the website for the organization Children of Hoarders at http://childrenofhoarders.com/wordpress/. It goes into much more detail and is relevant to families of hoarders, rather than just a simple introduction to the topic.

  • http://nerojohn91.buzznet.com/user/ Dorothy Presley

    This website is absolutely helpful. Many thanks for this.

  • Bornin1962

    Almost 2 years after my mother’s death, I am still dealing with her hoarding issues and how it has affected me. I am 48 years old.  No one addresses’s the after death effects…especially an unexpected death…

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