Will Helicopter Parenting ‘Land Your Kids In Therapy?’

Here & Now Guest:

Lori Gottlieb, author and psychotherapist-in-training

Are parents trying too hard to make their kids happy? And is that having the opposite effect?

In her Atlantic Magazine article, “How To Land Your Kids In Therapy,” author and mother Lori Gottlieb makes the case that “the obsession with our kids’ happiness may be dooming them to unhappy adulthoods.”

Gottlieb spoke with a number of therapists who were seeing 20-somethings who had experienced happy childhoods. They loved their parents, but they felt empty and anxious, and were afraid to make decisions.

“They were really struggling with day-to-day things that they just hadn’t experienced,” Gottlieb told Here & Now‘s Robin Young, “because their parents were doing everything for them, so they never had to experience challenge or failure.”

Gottlieb continues, “We need to be present for our kids, and we need to be attuned to our kids. But true attunement is not saying: ‘I know that this is difficult, but let’s figure out a solution.’ It’s: ‘What do you think about this, how do you think you can get through this.’ And we’re there to guide them.”

She tells of one parent whose child complained that he or she was bad at math, and the parent responded that the child just had a different learning style. She said many parents feel it’s not O.K. to be ordinary or to tell their kids they’re re not the best at something.

“We don’t want to tell them that because we feel like… that’s really damaging to their self-esteem,” Gottlieb said. “And in fact we want them to have genuine self-esteem.”

She said that will only come when parents are more honest with their children and prepare them for a life when they might not always succeed.

Facebook: Are we creating a generation of emotionally fragile “tea cups?”

We welcome comments from all of our listeners. Post below. Please stay on topic and be civil. Comments may be moderated by us, but you are solely responsible for the content of your comments.

Amonty77

Are you familiar with the term “snow plow” parents?
http://profiles.google.com/sewellpatrick Patrick S

I think this discussion is ridiculous. I’m 26, and I can’t think of a single person I met in the last 8 years whose life was micromanaged by their parents to the extent that they can’t cope. This problem is pure fantasy. Who are these people?

Amonty77

I agree that that is unlikely. However, I think it does change the dynamics of perseverance, being part of a community and personal achievement.
Laura

Maybe you just aren’t aware of who is struggling. I am 32, my brother is 30. We both struggled painfully in our 20s, to a point that we were ruining everything in our lives and at risk for becoming mental-cases. We both spent time in the hospital. After years of work, we are in a much better place now. Our parents loved us, but did just this: tried to “fix” every negative problem and smooth away any negative feelings. Just as this article is describing. Sometimes people don’t “air” their psychological problems because of the social stigma.

http://profiles.google.com/sewellpatrick Patrick S

I’ll confess that my initial thought was that the author was saying “what’s wrong with kids these days?” but it now looks like she’s talking about some specific cases.

My peers live in tightly-knit groups, to the extent that we’d know if someone was having trouble coping. But none of us were raised by “helicopter” parents, and we mostly deal well with our problems.

Like another commenter (Paige), said – it’s odd to hear a therapist speak so negatively about therapy. Everyone has things they need help with, and there is no shame in seeing a therapist or counselor for extra help. That’s a GOOD way to cope with problems and it’s evidence that someone is good at coping – they know when to ask for help. It doesn’t make someone a “teacup”.

Laura

I agree with you, Patrick–generational stereotyping is offensive and unproductive (as is any stereotyping), and also that therapy is a positive choice to make. Unfortunately, still in some circles going to therapy is viewed as “weak” or something is “wrong” with you (i.e. you are crazy); even though mental health has come a long way in 10 years, it still has a long way to go to being recognized on par with physical health. Thankfully, that does not seem to be the case with your network.

Although I don’t like the tone of this article, and I agree that everyone has things they need help with, I do think that certain methods of parenting create exceptionally unstable people. This is not specific to any particular generation, though!

Laura

(and by mental health I mean something much more than doctors passing out “happy pills”–which does not count as treating mental health in my opinion!)

Marisa

thanks, great conversation, I can relate and connect, I will share this with the parents I work with in our school district this FALL!!!
Ellen

I am a preschool teacher. Every year my colleagues and I spend more and more time modeling and explaining to parents the importance of saying “no” (and meaning it!)
Margy Carpenter

MY College student has trouble getting to work on time because she knows Mom will take her no matter what. How did she get so entitled? She is capable of doing the right thing but she relies on mom to much and mom gets caught in her drama.
Professor/Parent

And there is then the parent peer pressure. As a parent, not to seem like the neglectful parent, when every one else is hanging around. Siddartha said, Hold you child with open arms. I did, it seems to have worked.

Teacup! As a professor, its awful. You can’t critique in class, because students feel you are calling them out. Every kid is diagnosed, so there is some excuse. And then now we have students evaluations in every class, to make sure it was a good experience for them. I had a student that was so happy after he got a grade, said that if I knew I would get this, I would have given you a much better evaluation.

And there is the incoming freshman that we have who’s parents have moved to be closer to campus. He’s living in the dorm. We can decide who will be his adviser, and what we own the person who gets him.

Anonymous

Student evaluations are awful and need to go. Students are not (exactly anyway) the same as customers in a store. The system is rife with abuse but sadly its not in the best interests of the universities to fix it.

Sooz

Let’s hear it for single mothers — I’m one and loved my kids passionately but had no choice but to allow them to experience the world and negotiate its disappointments and setbacks. My youngest just started college and ended up with a roommate who is almost totally dysfunctional, gets on the phone to mom in hysterics any time anything goes wrong … my kid offers to help her figure out things for herself and the kid angrily rejects the idea. She screams at her mom and tells her she’s not doing her job. Mom jumps in the car and drives 100 miles to solve trivial problems. Who’s better prepared for the world?
Betbro

I know these parents and their kids who are not yet in their 20s. I’ve seen the helicopter parenting and have wondered. Thanks for the coverage of this story just so I can know I’m not making things up in my head. Now Ms. Gottlieb might interview 20-somethings who DON’T exhibit the same problems and interview them and their parents re raising kids.

http://profiles.google.com/sewellpatrick Patrick S

That would be a fascinating study.

Wilyjess

I am a 33 year old mother of 3. I grew up with asphalt playgrounds, being able to bike around my neighborhood and a mom that coddled me and a dad that allowed me a certain amount of freedom. I think kids now are relatively “soft” both physically and mentally. I send my kids outside every day to play, climb trees, etc. I really think that kids now a days could benefit from scraping their knees and getting a little dirty. My kids also have to earn things like video games, etc. My youngest, 9 weeks old, is too young to do chores, but her 3 year old brother even contributes to the family by putting away his clothes (supervised, of course). My kids also say please and thank you, which is something I rarely hear from local college students these days.
Callreport

I agree completely. We baby boomers, having faced little adversity in our own generation, live prepackaged lives as if we were on a cruise and have passed this entitlement on to our children, and they, their children. Our three years olds ride tricycles or bicycles with training wheels wearing helmets, when we rode without and survived falling down without going to the ER for every injury. We live narcissicistic lives and think that our children are special to everyone else when our parents only thought that we were special to THEM. Our younger generation is relatively anti-social and do not have a sense of their place in society. Many are essentially amoral. It is time to return to a time when common sense ruled our lives, and we took a more mature approach to our relationship to the rest of society, much as occurs in more mature societies in Europe and Asia. We should make life more difficult for ourselves and our children to instill a sense of urgency and necessity. And, for God’s sake, don’t let self-serving professionals continue to generate new syndromes every month for us to worry about. David E. Magarik, M.D.

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DPKS3HUGQBPILPIU7IVZSHGXLI Robert_N

Agreed in part, but isn’t this latest media round at risk of becoming another syndrome to worry about? And this particular one is coming from a “therapist in training” interpreting other professionals.

Guest

For many years my husband managed a business close to several universities in Boston and he employed a large number of students. He was always amazed by how easily these students would “go to pieces” over the smallest criticism of their job performance. If a written warning was warranted, more often than not, he would receive a call from the student’s parents. In the meantime, these employees were constantly asking for his help with the most basic things (balancing their check books, disputing landlord or utility issues, even school and relationship problems). I’m sure their parents love them very much, but they did not prepare them for life on their own.
�
In our own life, we have two young girls. We try to teach them self-reliance without crushing their self-esteem. In doing so, we were all but ostracized by our friends when we (gasp!) sent to overnight summer camp for a week. What’s wrong here?
Pam Arciero

It is obvious that Lorie Gottlieb does not have children. Also, she is speaking about a very small population; the middle/upper class kids.

Erika

Actually, if you read her article, she’s the mother of at least one.
Guest

”… author and mother Lori Gottlieb makes the case that…” She has children.

Jane

My 20 yo children are disappointed in life, but his has mostly to do with the lack of opportunity due to the economy and the fact that their once middle class life style is under attack as their parents are unemployed.
Erika

Lori is SO SO RIGHT. I am the product of this kind of parenting. And I have one sibling. We are both struggling horribly with the precisely the problems described by Ms. Gotlieb. In many ways, my loving, caring, involved mother (who I love dearly) really ruined our lives. (Sorry mom.)

Laura

Me, too, Erika. Lots of work and prayers later, we are finally getting on with our lives!

guest

Sadly, the next group of kids will have these problems coupled with an inability to be bored as they can’t be in the car for 5 minutes without watching a dvd or playing a video game.
ari

I am 27 years old, 8 years out of college. I’m at the point in life in which everyone is starting to get married and have childeren . I find,in my circle, my friends have a very honest perspective on how to raise their kids. I admit I was horrified the first time i visited my friend with a small child who watched her baby fall and just sat by and allowed the kid to cry. However this baby is now two and is asserting wild independance. I think the motto for my cirlce of friends is best represent by a quote from the movie fight club. it is often repeated to each other when we hit a “wall” in our lives and provides a strange comfot.

Tyler Durden:
You are not special. You are not a beautiful or
unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything
else.

maybe that is why so many of my besties have picked this hands-off method to raise their babies.

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DPKS3HUGQBPILPIU7IVZSHGXLI Robert_N

Interesting, but the question is can “hands-off” and “wild independence” at some point come at a cost to emotional intelligence and future relationships? Extremes often have a price, and I’m not sure previous research on how nurturing parents more often produce healthy, well-adjusted offspring can so easily be dismissed.

Mwest

While I think Lori makes some good points, this sounds like another way to promote the “right” way to parent, whatever it may be at the moment. Our kids will have something to work on or overcome just like all adults, and if they choose to see a therapist, I don’t think it’s an indictment against our parenting choices.
Guest

The stakes are much higher than they were in previous generations. If you look at the “Common Application” for colleges, it asks for honors, awards, leadership positions, etc. Every college wants the A student, who is a community leader, lettered in sports, and has played Carnegie Hall. If your child has high aspirations, their is little room for mediocrity. Economic fears also contribute to their anxiety, as the need to succeed goes beyond personal success to the reality of being able to support oneself independently upon graduation.
Erica Holman

Laurie Gottlieb may or may not have children but I think her points are salient. I oversee many work sites and we have ongoing issues with the younger (18 – 26 year old) workers having difficulty acclimating to being given constructive criticism, not understanding chain of command, and needing a lot of “back patting”. I think some of this is related to socio-economic status but not entirely – many parents seem to over protect in situations that warrant no more than “Hey, that must have smarted/stung/hurt but you seem fine.” I am looking forward to reading the article. �
My daughter is 14 and goes to a summer camp that does not have a policy of allowing phone calls and routine communication – we can write letters and I can email her. She has a summer of supervision from other people and she has learned that not all bumps in life are serious AND that she has the ability to problem solve.
Anisidora

I just ended a relationship with someone that I feel had these issues. He was so unhappy with everything, all the time, because it never lived up to the expectations he had, most specifically regarding work and pay. It put a huge strain on the relationship. At their family gatherings I watched them pick up his niece and run around the back yard every single time a bee even came with in 10 feet of her, and I just had to wonder what they are going to do when she gets older and wants to play sports outside or something.
guest

I just ended a relationship with someone that I feel had these issues.�
He was so unhappy with everything, all the time, because it never lived
up to the expectations he had, most specifically regarding work and
pay. It put a huge strain on the relationship. At their family
gatherings I watched them pick up his niece and run around the back yard
every single time a bee even came with in 10 feet of her, and I just
had to wonder what they are going to do when she gets older and wants to
play sports outside or something.
Sarah

I am a 30-year old woman who recently went back to school, attending classes with many young people who were the product of this upbringing. It was astounding to listen to how they spoke to professors, expected material to be fed to them via PowerPoint (instead of the fastidious note-taking I remembered from my first college days) and how their cries of “unfair” were not only tolerated, but legitimized with the altering of test grades when questions were incorrectly answered by enough of the class. My contemporaries also tell stories of younger cousins and their friends being transferred from one high school to another so that, instead of having to face the realities of their below top-tier grades and athletic prowess, they can instead be the big fish in a smaller pond. I truly imagine the real world must be quite shocking when it is discovered that not everything is fair and not everyone is the best.
Kxritter

I hate to admit it, but I agree. I have an overbearing mother, and a boyfriend with an even more overbearing mother. He is 23, and his mother will come over to clean his apartment, and she does his laundry for him. This of course is on top of paying for school, rent, car payment, etc. He has to be babied, he actually expects me to do that for him.

I do worry about my generation, and especially future generations. I know that for myself I don’t handle stress well, and I take things very personally at work. What can we do now that we are here? This is not a very good time for us 20-somethings also due to tuition hikes and the awful job market. It is hard to get a job, and your lucky if you get one.
http://twitter.com/airbagmoments airbag moments

Parenting styles seem to be influenced by reactions against the style of the previous generation. I worry that these coddled kids with high self esteem but little self confidence and competence will be too selfish to make responsible parents or spouses. I know some over-parented teens and they seem completely shallow and narcissistic.
Ahudnall2b

While the theory was interesting Lori was very condescending. I wouldn’t be too worried there are plenty of children out there that are being ignored so apparently society will not crumble.
Phys_prof

I’m a
professor and I find that many of my students seem to expect things to come
easy for them. (BTW Grade inflation is definitely related to this discussion.) Teaching physics, I tell them they will have to work at it and
that solutions will not necessarily come to them instantly and that is ok. I
also mention that they will learn from their mistakes. Unfortunately for me,
the student evaluations punish me for making the students feel bad about
themselves because I challenged them and showed them the areas where they need imporvement.

Many of
today’s college students have not had the opportunity to learn how to overcome
obstacles or challenges because their parents insulated them too much. Real
internal self-esteem comes from learning from your own experience that you are
capable of over-coming challenges, not from someone telling you that you are
OK.

Check out
the book “From Innocence to Entitlement.” It addresses many of these
issues.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DPKS3HUGQBPILPIU7IVZSHGXLI Robert_N

This sort of has the flavor of a next installment in the “tiger mom” media fad. But there clearly is such thing as going to extremes. A friend of mine actually had problems with LOW self esteem, depression, and resentment that were linked to a neglectful, emotionally absent mother. Parenting is like many other things in life: About finding some balance. I’m just not sure how common this particular problem really is. Or whether most 20-something unhappiness can be traced to it. Many of these same people have also been facing a backed-up economy, and more negativity about their future prospects. They’re concerned with getting that living wage career with benefits and a path to a reasonable retirement that so many of previous generations took for granted.
Paige

I’m getting really tired of two things: being called a teacup, and hearing people reinforce the stigma surrounding therapy.

Let me just say: therapy is awesome. We all have to overcome our upbringing, regardless of what generation we inhabit. Parents can’t teach kids everything, and for the things I feel need reinforcing, therapy has worked brilliantly. It’s saved my life.

To hear this misinformed stigma “landing your kids in therapy” coming from a soon to be therapist really blows my mind. I’ll be sure to not schedule an appointment with someone who is so jaded about their own profession.

I’ve noticed a trend in the media of the last few weeks: teacups, entitlement, helicopters….. Apparently nobody is safe from blame. Not we 20-somethings, nor our parents. What makes blog writers think its their place to shovel out the blame? How is making my parents and I feel guilty for what we were taught, helping anyone? Does this author have any solutions to offer? Or is this some reverse-psychological way to glean “coping skills” from being told we are not doing life right?

I’m concerned that when I walk into a potential employer, they will automatically assume, because of my age, that I am some sort of delicate flower who needs constant care, therefore a liability that’s not worth the effort.

People are all different regardless of generation, and it’s frustrating and difficult to escape the gravity of a generational stereotype.

So thanks for that.

Dammit_Jim

Paige,
I suspect your parents are paying for your therapy.

If you are a barrista on a minimum wage of $10/ hour and the cost for therapy is $100/ hour, I think having to self pay for therapy will speed up your cure.

Laura

Not cool, Jim. I will speak for myself. When I went into therapy at the age of 24, I was making $7.50/hour working on a horse farm (which, by the way, I loved, creative budgeting is good for you) and I chose years of therapy that I just recently finished paying off. My parents did not pay a cent. I regard it as one of the best “purchases” I have ever made–who can place a monetary value on mental health? I agree with Paige, therapy is hugely positive and I think the world would be a much better place if EVERYONE let go of their super-sized egos and sincerely worked some things out with a quality therapist.
Guest

i’d like to know how you figure any such thing dammit- or maybe it’s a self-reflection

No Therapy Here

“We all have to overcome our upbringing, regardless of what generation we inhabit. Parents can’t teach kids everything…” Um, speak for yourself sweet-treat. My parents taught me all I needed to know to survive in the world and I had a great upbringing w/ lots of support and love but also a good dose of teaching me to fend for myself.

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DPKS3HUGQBPILPIU7IVZSHGXLI Robert_N

Interesting, and maybe is seems to have worked. But “wild independence” at what cost to emotional intelligence and future relationships? Extremes always have a price, and I don’t think previous research on how nurturing parents more often produce healthy, well-adjusted offspring can so easily be dismissed.
Ryan Soldad

I really enjoyed the topic. I also worry about the instant gratification. My six year old is constantly telling me he is bored. He wants a hand held game device to take everywhere with him and I just won’t do buy one. I try and play with him more and it is easier now that he is older but unless I play video games with him he is bored of me too. The other day I gave him a bag of rubber bands and set up all his army men. I had a group and so did he. We took turns shooting at the enemy army men. I was having a blast but he wanted to know if I would let him play video games since I let him play the game I wanted.
Yogahealthsolutions

American parents and young people need to learn how to fully tune in to their minds and bodies instead of external short time rewards and happiness. They will develop an increased confidence that will positively influence their experiences in the classroom, in solving problems, improving relationships, and in taking care of themselves in a well-rounded and healthy way.
Guru Ranjit
http://www.charlottemditation.com
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XTHPR2UKSGQSDU2LLV43X7MT2E poetrynpie

I think one of the things that parents are getting wrong is that they are raising their children to be the center of the family rather than a part. There is too much emphasis on giving children fabulous toys and spending “quality time” focusing on them, playing with them, taking them to events specialized just for them, rather than including them in the natural work and events of family and community life. Children are growing up being told and treated as if they are the reason for everything, rather than growing up with a role in the family as part of the whole. They are not being taught that they can and need to contribute, learn from, respect, and to give & take with the others in their family, their community, and the world.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XTHPR2UKSGQSDU2LLV43X7MT2E poetrynpie

I think one of the things that parents are getting wrong is that they
are raising their children to be the center of the family rather than a
part. There is too much emphasis on giving children fabulous toys and
spending “quality time” focusing on them, playing with them, taking them
to events specialized just for them, rather than including them in the
natural work and events of family and community life. Children are
growing up being told and treated as if they are the reason for
everything, rather than growing up with a role in the family as part of
the whole. They are not being taught that they can and need to
contribute, learn from, respect, and to give & take with the others
in their family, their community, and the world.

Erika

Very strong points, poetrynpie. I haven’t thought of it from this perspective, but you’re clearly right. I think one of the contributors to this “center of the family/universe”-problem is that we infantalize teenagers and LEGALLY prohibit them from taking on adult responsibilities until they are 18 at the very youngest (the reality is that they don’t take on responsibilties until much older). I would never want a return to pre-child-labor-law days but we have gone too far in the other direction. Teenagers often feel superfluous — like useless creatures, mere nuisances — because we DELIBERATELY MAKE THEM INTO USELESS NUISANCES. By the second half of high school, the vast majority of teens have no real role in our society and that’s not their fault. It’s ours. Erika

ToughAsianChick

I completely agree with Lori Gottlieb. My husband was raised
like this with a very indulgent and perpetually praising parent in the 1970′s -
1980′s. We both come from traditional families and did not live together
until we were married so I did not realize what a problem this was until we
were married. It’s been very hard on our marriage. He struggles
with his reaction to normal negative feedback / constructive criticism since he
was raised with unmitigated praise. He is very intolerant of his own
discomfort and gets very cranky about the typical “sacrifices” one makes
when one is in a relationship or dealing with real grown up life. He is
somewhat of a narcissist as well. Fortunately he has been able to work
alone as a very successful artist and supports us despite his inability to work
well with others. He is trying to be more “tough” and more
“normal” and he’s getting better. We’ve been to marriage counseling
and that has helped too; our therapist has given him lots of reality checks.�
If we weren’t from such traditional families I would have divorced him shortly
after our wedding. Fortunately the situation is improving and he’s slowly
“growing up.” I’m from loving but tough, high-standards,
no-nonsense, “work hard without expecting a reward” family and being
married to a product of the “Everyone gets a gold star for
everything,” environment and the “Oh you’re unhappy? Let’s go get ice
cream,” style of parenting is really hard for me to take. It’s might
be a blessing that we haven’t been able to have children. If I end up
single again I’ll be looking for a new husband who grew up with daily
bare-bottomed spankings as a child – just kidding!
Bis4brit

I am currently dealing with a situation right up this alley. I have a 6yr old son and a 5yr old step-son. I was a single-mother until just recently & my son’s biological father has never been around. I have always believed that our job as parents is to prepare our children for the real world, teaching them how to deal with disappointments & figure things out on their own, that is how I have raised my child from the start. My step-son on the other hand, lives with his stay-at-home mother who apparently does not have the same views, she will not make the child do anything he doesn’t want to do, does everything for him & is at his beck & call. When he comes to my house things are very different from that, I work full time & I refuse to baby him. I work very hard to treat my step-son just the same as I do my own but it is becoming very difficult. I taught my son at an early age that crying and whining will not get you anywhere, my step-son falls apart at the drop of a hat, he will instantly cry if anything is slightly difficult in any way e.g. buckling his seat belt in the car, finding a toy, opening a door, even as far as dressing himself. I have asked him if he cries like this at his mother’s house & what she does about it and he said “Yes I cry all the time & she always hugs me & makes me feel better”. I understand wanting to make your child feel better but I am seriously concerned that this child is going to have a very hard time in life if this continues. He starts kindergarten in the fall and he will not even try to put his own shoes on. He is at my house for the summer and so far this trip he has lied to me on almost a daily basis and admits to lying on purpose in order to get my son in trouble. The hardest part for me is that I have no say in anything because “I am not his mother”. My husband refuses to say anything to the child’s mother because he says she will get mad (which I understand) and make it more difficult for us to see him. I am at a loss, I have tried to let it go, knowing that I have no control, but I am not going to put up with the lying and him expecting me to do everything for him. I know it’s cliche but “My house, My rules” right?
Dammit_Jim

We had the advantages for generations after WWII of an expanding dominate economy. Every subsequent generation got bigger cars, bigger homes, more exotic vacations. The younger got better more advanced educations. Pamper your offspring with trips to Disneyworld. Surround them in Minivan luxury. Large 5 bedroom McMansion in the suburbs. Shuttle them to Music lessons and Lacrosse Practice. Go to college, study a nonsense major and still land 5 job offers on graduation. Raise your children spoiled and dependent because you can afford that luxury,

Now the world has caught up and competition has heated up. And our entitlements are liabilities. Unfortunately these young people are the generation on the cusp. The bubble has burst seemingly overnight. Growing up privileged but ending up as the janitor, waitress or barrista. Few Jobs. Poor Pay. No benefits. No Pension. Poor long term prospects. Loss of the Dreams of Home Ownership. Loss of college privileges for grandkids. Moving back into Mom’s Basement.

Life is tough. And since the Great 2008 Recession is bound to get tougher. Learn to raise independent resilient and resourceful children.

The Most Important Gift a Parent Can Bestow on a Child: How to Live Without Them. How to be Independent.
Nkfgraphics

Why is it always Mom’s fault when young adults have problems? How about teachers and even the local sports leagues? Our whole culture is guilty of promoting “self esteem” along with the false notion that “you can do anything you set your mind to” – so misleading to young people. Ask my friends and family members, I will never be able to sing like Ella Fitzgerald, no matter how many lessons I take.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Oregon-Stream/100002120209443 Oregon Stream

I too wonder how many of the observations here are the result of overbearing, micro-managing parents (rather than just those who are too doting and over-indulgent). My mother in law was that way, and my wife wasn’t quite the independent type when we met because she was rarely allowed a real thought or action of her own. And everything else was subject to unconstructive criticism. In my experience, people often treat their pets better than their family, so I have my doubts that a large part of the drifting and unhappiness is due to parents being quick to shield their children from everything, or make them feel extra-special when they’re mostly ordinary. There’s more than one potential way of screwing up a kid. Just look at the state of today’s world and you see plenty of evidence for that, in virtually all age groups.